FORM 091 ยท INTERNAL CORRESPONDENCE
Official directives, proposals, and observations from the bureau's internal correspondence. Read them in order, or not at all. Either way they will be filed.
From: Office of the Deputy Under-Secretary
It has come to our attention that the weather has been performing adequately. This is not a complaint. This is a request to confirm that adequacy is not a mistake.
Please file a report confirming that the adequacy is intentional, and not the result of an error that we would otherwise be required to correct.
Kindly do not enjoy the weather. Enjoyment is not a documented procedure.
From: Director, Precipitation Division
Following the success of Indoor Rain in the kitchen, we propose expanding coverage to all rooms.
Concerns have been raised that this would make the entire apartment damp. These concerns are noted and dismissed.
The rain is not for you. The rain is for the department. Please submit your objections in triplicate.
From: Temporal Weather Office
Echoes arriving early are currently arriving up to three days early. This is within acceptable parameters.
However, some echoes have begun arriving before their source sounds have been conceived. This is a forward-planning success.
Do not tell the public. The public does not need to know about the future.
From: Lost & Found Bureau
We currently hold 4,000 units of unclaimed patience, 212 unfinished thoughts, and one (1) entire Tuesday.
Claimants are reminded that claiming a Tuesday requires surrendering a Monday of equal value.
The Tuesday is not for sale.
From: Observatory, Sensor Array
The Wind that only exists when watched has been observed observing its observers.
This is not a malfunction. This is a reciprocal arrangement.
We recommend all personnel continue to watch the wind, so that it continues to exist, so that we have something to file.
From: Office of Bureaucratic Continuity
It has been decided that forms are the weather of the department.
Just as rain falls and fog gathers, so too do forms accumulate. This is natural. This is good.
Any employee found reducing the number of forms is committing an act of drought, and will be issued a form about it.
From: Ontological Weather Division
The leftward lean of gravity remains permanent and unverified.
We have been unable to confirm the lean, because all of our measuring instruments also lean left.
We are therefore confident that the lean is either real, or not, and we have filed accordingly.
From: Office of the Under-Secretary
On behalf of the Department, we thank you for your continued unnecessary weather.
Without your weather, there would be nothing to file, and without anything to file, the department would be unnecessary.
We exist because your weather does not. Please keep it that way.